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read my profile sign my guestbook  Name: Kiana Q. Birthday: 4/19/1987 Gender: Female Interests: Music. artsy ways. eyes. forbidden love. God. poetry. boys. fiction. world traveling. photography. you + me... Expertise: I can 'render you speechless with pretty words. =) Message: message me Website: visit my website Member Since: 2/15/2005 |
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carvedso jessicas birthday was SWEET. i had so much fun, the kind of fun that you makes you forget about the real world and your normal life. he was there :) it was nice to hang with him again. gosh, why do i want to be with a person who is younger than me and the complete opposite of me? oh well. i accept it.
tonight at ccd was blEH. i liked the lessons we learned about forgiveness and such but really jesse is sucha drama queen. i had to do a lot of apologizing and being WAY polite (not that im not normally). he's tooooo into knowing what fina does at every second of the damn day! thats something im not ever like! never will be like in a relationship. im addicted but im not obsessed and possesive! gah!! i just would like a hand to hold, a hug to welcome me, a kiss to awake me, a smile to warm the cold days and such. NOT a keeper. yiiikes. anyway i guess im basically waiting. for him, for time, for everything. i'm getting good at being patient i believe. i'm tired of it don't get me wrong but for some reason i have a good feeling it'll be worth it. anyway im off to sleep. nite. | |
begin.if you take these glass tears and hold them close i promise to try and cry you real ones. i knew something was going to happen yesterday, subconciously my mind told me to be ready. now that aunty helen and rika and rj left grami goes spiriling. prayers for whatever happens to happen without pain and sufforing are all i ask. i'm getting my car started on next week. or end of this week depending upon gram's condition. i cant have days like this where i miss work and school. its impossible. my life cant afford shit ugh and i hate how i makes me seem coldhearted just becus i need to plow on. i hope everyone understands that if i stand still i'll fall, so thats why i hafta keep moving. you dont want to be around me when i fail, when i fall, when i'm really down. i'm not a nice person. this sickness isn't going to get the best of me i swear! on lighter news: i tried telling anna about work yesterday but didnt get the chance to. so i'll tell my xanga. new guy david, cute tall chocolate boy. :D he's really nice and like i said in my other blog all i was acting like was sarcastic, bossy, and bitchy but semi kidding at times- he kept giving me this look. a gentle look. i got the feeling he was diggin' me, when it was time for his shift to be done with, he made appoint to come gimmie the gangsta handshake and say goodbye. just to me tho :) we'll see what happens- sounds like it could be fun. he's cute and his gangsta slang makes me giggle. we'll just hafta see. | |
death dayi always get weird around this time of year. please don't expect me to be all bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow- not gonna happen. all im looking forward to is seeing my bed and then the inside of my eyelids. pls. leave me be. | |
oh where'd you go?since i can't blog on myspace because of computers being gay i will settle with my original love. xanga. man blogging here reminds me of the yesteryears... oak harbor, guam... anyway i was just sitting around thinking about everything and how life unfolded before my eyes. moving back to washington, going to TCC, meeting anna and jess and now beth, talking to sarah about it all for the short time it was, actually thinking before jumping the gun, realizing what kind of kid i am and what kind of adult i want to grow into, what i want to do professionally (not stripping guys!), my fear, my weakness-crossing those bridges, my papa's death, my love for my loneliness more than my love for others, what happened to my passion for art and being an active artist, having so much to write but not enough courage to begin something and finish it, brittani, matt, jeff, nathaneal le sigh nathaneal the only person that i know if i let myself i would be completely free with, the person i feel somehow know deep down i'm suppose to be with but am too cowardly to act upon. not that i'm anywhere near him anymore...we have oceans between us now and i'll never know if what i thought i felt was mutual. that's me, leave it till last minute or never. maybe i'll find someone more than he could be but i know i won't even tho i know what and who he is despite his obvious flaws that i treasure i won't find anyone like him. no one. on other matters...anna thinks i'm going to move in with her in a year, i havent denied or agreed so i'll let her think what she wants. between you and me when i move out it'll be into a studio by my onesys. i thank her for prying me from my whitewashed walls of my fort knox aka my room but i've turned into a person who appreciates being alone. gah i'm thinking about him again. is that okay? is it okay that i remember exactly the effect he had on me whenever he was within arms length? that my body just screamed for his protective arms to be around me the way it was on my 17th birthday. how he held me in a tight embrace for 5minutes and i almost died completely and could've lived forever in the short span. he held me the way i've always wanted but could never asked...yet he only knew me for a short while. maybe he read it in my eyes. i dunno but i think then i wouldve gladly cut my heart out and anything else he asked of me. maybe it's just his arms. maybe i'm insane for still pining for this guy. he prolly forgot about me since i'm such a forgettable person. ai adai. i cant wait to travel. maybe then after i've gone far from these memories and feelings i'll find solace. why can't i be the person he wants and could love? why why why?! god i sound like an idiot but i know that no one reads this anymore. i miss you guys back home. i miss me back home. | |||
so hey.i try not to post here because i do my main blogging on myspace. kills 2 birds with one stone, ya know? so how am i, you ask. i'm fine, a little lover sick lol but i'll make it thru. it's almost spring and then comes summer (the icing on the cake). i'm doing really good with college- as far as i'm concerned. i just signed up for spring classes yesterday- woo! and i've managed to make some chill people. i'm trying a new thing that requires me to focus on school and nothing else. it's hard cus there are hot guys in my class but i haven't made any effort- typical right. remember trying the focus thing. you all know that i miss you dearly. if you're uncertain about that look at the pictures, look at previous myspace blogging. i'll ALWAYS miss my guam, cali, colorado, everywhere you are- lovers. you're always in my heart. you better not forget me. you never know when i may end up vacationing back home and you best expect me to be knocking on your door or calling you at 3 AM in the GODDAMNMORNING. lol. i love you guys. peace. | |